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I am not ready to give her up!

It may be ridiculous, but all I can be right now is sad.

Summer hasn’t even started yet, and already it’s too short.  Two months?  That’s barely enough time to picnic, forget finishing our unpacking, fixing up the house, gardening, heading to the lake, and all the other things we want to do.  We’re going to blink and it will be time for school again.

Autumn used to be my favourite time of year.  I loved the weather, the leaves, the fact that most folk stopped coming to the lake – leaving it just for us…  I loved everything about it.  Now I’m dreading it.

Autumn this year means my baby is leaving me.  And the kicker?  I’m the one who convinced her to give grade one a try, she wanted to stay home and have me teach her.  But Ms. Jackson, the grade one teacher at Mayfair?  She’s fabulous.  Is so obviously passionate about her kids, and I just know Lily-Ann could learn so much from having her be a daily part of her life.  I’m just so not ready to give her up.  Not even close to ready.

Moving from Pre-k to Kindergarten was hard enough.  I still miss our Friday afternoons.  But the idea that come Fall I will only have my girl for a few hours every day???  It’s just too much.  I honestly cried myself to sleep last night.  It’s ridiculous, I know.  I can’t help it though.  I am not ready to give her up.

We haven’t even started Summer holidays and already I’m depressed and upset over Summer coming to an end.  How the heck am I going to make it through?  There isn’t enough time in the world to prepare me for giving up my daughter full time to the school system.  Can’t she go part time?  Honestly?  Truly?  Is that an option?  Because THAT would make it all better.

It’s been a hard day.

Today has actually been a really hard day.  I’ve moved from being angry over this whole thing with the GPC to just being sad.  I can’t help it.  I feel I’ve let down so many folks.  The whole situation has made a liar out of me, and that’s not something I take lightly.

Because of being away, I’m behind in my work…  so I’m seriously busting my butt to get caught up.  Which means I’m tired too.

Then, I pick up the girlie from school only to find out that she has wrecked the hemp necklace and bracelet I gave her (that I had given her just that morning).  Now…  she didn’t do so from a negative place.  She took them apart so she could share the pretty flowered beads and semi-precious stones with her friends.  But that didn’t change the fact that it hurt my heart having her destroy something I gave her.  So we had to have a talk about how mommy-presents matter, and wrecking or giving away mommy-presents can hurt mommy….  which just added to the craptasticness of the entire day.

So I’m tired, I’m sad, and I’m just worn out.  Not a great day.

Then tonight, my Dad called me.  It wasn’t about anything big or important…  He called to tell me that he  bought some tiger tiger ice cream for the girl.  So that when we come by for a visit, he’ll have a treat ready.  And that was a good thing on a day when I desperately needed a good thing.

Thanks Dad.  Thanks for thinking of us when you didn’t have to be doing so.  And thanks for buying a special treat with the girlie in mind.  And thanks again, for calling just to say “HI” and to let us know.

It’s been a hard day…  but that was a good thing.

 

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