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Biting me in the ass: a blessing of pregnancy

People often talk about the joys of pregnancy, birth, and parenting…  very often forgetting the tribulations, pains, and trials of each.  And with good reason.  Those joys far outweigh the negatives in almost every circumstance.  However, some pains deserve mentioning, some pains which get horribly overlooked, and are considered by polite society as being unmentionable.

Yes, this is going to be one of those TMI posts.  So, if you don’t want to read about the gross, the bloody, and the unpleasant?  Stop reading now.  Here.  Here’s a picture of the kid, all sweet and lovely in the new tutu I made for her:

Oh so sweet and darling in her pretty pink and white tutu, I love kid-kid!

 

So now that you’ve had your candy, sweet and full of sugar (but blessedly free of high fructose corn syrup)…  it’s onto the nasties I promised earlier.  That’s right.  Time to look away.  You’ve been warned.

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Still with me?

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Not sure you should be?

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Well…  get ready for it…

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Image of Grade Two Hemorrhoids ©Prof. Dr. Alexander Herold, 2012

 

Hemorrhoids.

Yep.  I said it.

I totally dropped the H bomb.

But let’s face it, Moms!  It’s one of the things, that for many, comes along with pregnancy and then sticks around afterwards.

Here are a few articles for those of you who WERE blissfully unaware:

http://www.womenshealthcaretopics.com/preg_hemorrhoids.htm

http://www.happy-healthy-pregnancy.com/hemorrhoids-in-pregnancy.html

http://www.amazingpregnancy.com/pregnancy-articles/177.html

The only actual USEFUL page I’ve found though, is this one:

http://www.hemorrhoidshemroids.com/pregnancy-prolapse-hemroids-hemorrhoids.html

Generally speaking, these sites make it sounds as though – in spite of these nasty little bastards being COMMON that they are easy to deal with, not really that unpleasant, and they’ll just disappear when the hemorrhoid fairy visits shortly after birth.  Ummm..  NO!

The very first sign that I was pregnant?  Before morning sickness, before a missed period, before anything?  I got hemorrhoids.  Yep.  Welcome to my world!  And yes, here we are, the girl only a month and a half away from her fifth birthday and that lovely little gift she gave me plagues me to this day.  Would I endure this pain every day for the rest of my life for her?  You bet your freakin’ ass (and apparently I have done just that).

What bothers me is that it’s not okay to talk about things like this.  Mommy brain?  Skin tags?  Stretch marks?  Even the dreaded “mother’s apron” are all okay conversation starters.  But don’t dare drop the H bomb.  Forget polite society, even in the dregs it’s unacceptable.  Yet it’s something SOOO many of us suffer in silence with.  Why?  If this is such a common part of motherhood, why is it a forbidden topic?

I’m sick of hushed voices and embarrassed shushes.  This is part of my life as a mom.  It’s a super “crappy” part of it, but it came part and parcel with my little bundle of joy and energy.  And while I am thankful for her every single day, I do look forward to the day this particular bundle of swollen veins stops biting me in the ass.

Dreams Dashed, Just Like That.

Just like that, a dream I’ve held for the last half a decade have been dashed.  My heart is more than a little broken.

Ever since I found out I was pregnant, I began dreaming of the day I could take my little one with me traveling to dog shows.  I know so many moms who take their infants, toddlers, pre-schoolers, children, and teens with them on the road…  and they all absolutely love it.

When Lily-Ann was born, I knew she wasn’t the type of baby who could go to a dog show.  If she wasn’t being held she’d cry.  And there was no way for her to be the constant focus of attention at a show.

When she was a toddler, nothing had changed.  And I envied those parents who’s little ones would nap in a stroller while they did their “down and back”.  You put Lily in a stroller and even if she was previously tired, she’d pop up alert and ready to go knowing that something must be going on.  She was a baby and toddler who was WORN not put in a stroller or bucket – so if she was in one of those places she knew something interesting had to be happening.  She also had stopped napping at 11 months old, which didn’t help matters.

As a pre-schooler she LOVES dog shows.  She made her debut as a junior handler at the SKOC show last Summer:  https://td365.wordpress.com/2011/09/04/junior-handling-debut/  And was just awesome.  But she’s still a high needs kid, that hasn’t changed.  She needs your focus at least 95% of the time.  She proved that to me tonight.

I knew she couldn’t handle traveling to dog shows when she was little…  but I’d hoped that by the time she was five it would be a very real possibility.  Tonight though?  Tonight was a disaster.  It took everything in me not to completely lose my cool and fall apart.

We were at handling class…  the first time I’d taken her to handling class.  Usually it’s just me, the dog, and sometimes my younger sister Jewles.  With the dog show in Saskatoon this weekend, and Lily having never worked with Alice before, I thought the two of them could stand to have some practice with one another.

Lily-Ann was obnoxious.  She managed to get through about five minutes before she kept announcing that she was bored and thirsty and wanted a treat – over and over again.  She wouldn’t listen to instruction (from myself OR the instructor).  So after she finished one trip around the ring, I set her up on the sidelines with treats and my phone (on which she has nine or ten apps).  And I went back in to practice with Alice.

That didn’t work either.

The kid kept running back and forth in and out of the ring, disrupting everyone.  So after repeated attempts to get her to listen and just sit down for even five minutes, I packed it in.  Not even half way through the class.  I grabbed all of our stuff and we left.  I have never been so embarrassed in my life.  Her behaviour was atrocious.  Not only did she ignore me when I repeatedly told her to stay out of the ring when it wasn’t her turn, she ignored the instructor as well – who told her to “get out” when it was obvious she wouldn’t listen to me.

So yeah.  Embarrassed by how awful she behaved (seriously, she was shockingly awful, I’ve never seen her behave even close to this before…  ever), and brokenhearted to know I will likely never be able to trust her enough to take her with me…  to enjoy something together that I love so much.  Maybe by the time she’s in high school…  but certainly not before.  I’ll probably still let her do junior handling whenever there’s a show in the city – so twice a year.  But she’ll never get the experience to do well when she can only participate so infrequently and when she’s not able to attend classes between shows.

Yep.  It’s just not going to happen.  She loves showing.  Absolutely loves being in the ring, in the spotlight…  which only makes it harder to bear, and harder to understand.

Seriously…  I can’t even express how awful she was tonight.  We’re not talking just silly little kid antics.  I’ve come to expect those.  But constantly ignoring everything anyone said to her???  yeah, that’s not cool.  And yes… I realize that at this point, I’m starting to ramble.  But it really was the WORST parenting experience of my entire life.  Don’t even ask me how the drive home afterwards went.  Good freakin’ grief.

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