Blog Archives

An ear troll by any other name…

Yesterday I headed down to St. Paul’s Hospital, the hospital where I was born, for an appointment with a specialist.  I’ve been having issues with what I’ve dubbed “the ear troll” for months now, since the beginning of July.  Well, some rather surprising news was revealed; it turns out it’s not an ear issue at all.  I have Temporomandibular Jaw/Joint Disorder (aka TMJ or TMJD).

TMJ can mimic things like Eustachian Tube Disorder, which I was told by a family physician was the problem, because the jaw joint is actually located right next to the ear canal.  In fact, if you put your finger in your ear and open your mouth you’ll feel the joint moving.  That joint is what’s been causing all the ear aches, head aches, popping noises, dizziness, disorientation, and other associated problems.  It’s nice to have an answer, but I’ll admit…  I was hoping for a quick fix, and there is no quick fix for TMJ.

Dr. Shoman has put me on a liquid diet for a week, to allow my jaw some time to heal.  And wow!  It’s been almost a day and a half and I’m finding it rather difficult to adapt to.  With most things only containing 100 – 200 calories, meals have to be every couple of hours or you get real weak, real fast.  You can only drink so much thick liquid at a time, so you really are limited to small amounts.  I find if I get busy or involved in something I’ll end up shaky and faint.  So I’m having to be very conscious of my intake and my timing.  I’m very much a chew-and-enjoy-your-food kinda gal, so this drink it down thing is definitely not me.  I have a feeling that before the week is out I’ll have gotten to the point where I’m willing to lick dip off a ham stick just for the taste of real food – to be honest I seriously considered it last night.  LOL  And the idea of all those yummy crisp veggies just sitting in the fridge waiting for me?  They are darn difficult to resist.  This diet has been kicking my ass so far, but I’m determined to have it licked (pun intended) by the end of this.

After my jaw has been rested, we’ll decide the next step from there.  Chances are my treatment will involve consultation with two or three specialists including Dr. Shoman (who’s an ear, nose, and throat guy), and oral surgeon, a dentist, and possibly my family doctor as well.  We may also end up enlisting the help of a physical therapist at some point, but we’ll get there.  Spring is my deadline.  I’ll be fit and well adjusted again by Spring.  Just in time to get back on the show circuit.  Momma is missing her dog shows in a REAL big way.  LOL

Amazing what a difference half a decade makes!

On Friday, I received my new drivers license in the mail.  A lot has changed since I had taken my previous DL photo.  Not just in my life, but procedurally as well.

Now they require a new photo every five years.  I think it used to be every seven (but don’t quote me on that).  It used to be you could wear glasses, smile, act and be natural in your photo.  Now, even if you wear glasses full time they have to be off, and not only are you not allowed to crack a toothy grin, you aren’t allowed to smile at all.  But, as you’ll note from my new license, a wry smirk is perfect acceptable.

My Driver's License Photo - Old and New

My Driver’s License Photo – Old and New

 

I have to admit…  when I received my new license and pulled the old one from my wallet, I stopped and stared at the photos for a while.  What a difference roughly half a decade makes.  The first photo was before I was married, before Lily-Ann was even a vague idea.  It was before I’d changed focus from my work as an expert in Canine Communication to Professional Photographer.  I voted Green back then, but wasn’t a member of the party, and would never dream I would run the provincial party and run for office during a provincial election, a national election, and a provincial by-election.  It was before I returned to my roots and realized how much I missed working with youth.  I hadn’t outed myself as a former victim of sexual assault, and was ashamed of the fact that I had FMS and IBS.  It was a very different me – who was plagued by social anxiety disorder and had a specially trained Service Dog because I couldn’t leave the house alone.

Now?  Wow.  There really isn’t much of that girl left.

I chose my wording carefully, the use of “girl” wasn’t an accident.  I was a girl.  I was a nervous, scared, girl.  I hid it pretty well from most folk…  but I really did live my life scared that I’d be found out, that someone would realize I wasn’t actually good enough to be worthwhile.

I said it once already, but for emphasis, I’ll say it again:  What a difference roughly half a decade makes.

Now?  I’m probably a little too self-assured…  I’m actually downright cocky.  LOL  I know that who I am matters, and what I do makes a difference.  I’m a proud woman.  Confident and ready to tackle pretty much anything that comes my way.  I live out loud, and tend to over share.  Want to know something about me?  Ask.  I’m not afraid and will happily talk to anyone about anything.  I’m doing some pretty amazing things.

Someone asked me if I felt old now that I’ve turned 35, and you know what?  I totally don’t.  I feel like life is just beginning.  I’ve just hit my stride.

 

GPS GM in Lloyd

Got up at five a.m. today to head out to Lloydminster for a Green Party of Saskatchewan General Meeting.  I don’t do mornings.  It’s not that I don’t like mornings.  It’s that I’m usually sick in the morning (gotta love FMS and IBS).

If I’m allowed to wake up on my own, no alarm except my internal one?  Then I’m absolutely fine.  But if I’m forced to rise before my body is ready?  It wrecks havoc on my entire day.  It’s lousy, but I’ve gotten used to it.

Like anything one deals with on a regular basis, you find ways to make things work.  And if they don’t work?  You work around them.  And being a person with a chronic pain disorder is no different.

After a while, one comes to terms with the things you can or cannot do.  You don’t beat yourself up over it.  And you just accept things as they are.  This is normal for me, and to be honest, sometimes I actually forget that not everyone has to do things the way I do.  LOL  It just feels normal.

So yeah…  it was kind of a rough day because of that early start.  But we got a lot done.  And it was nice to see some of our members that I don’t often run into.  I don’t really know where I’m going with this.  LMFAO  Like I said, rough day, long day…  my brain isn’t exactly at the top of it’s game.  LOL  But it is what it is.  😉

Hands Across the Water

It is Poverty Awareness Week here in Saskatoon, and one of my favourite annual events is Hands Across the Water.  Unfortunately, due to my pain level, I wasn’t able to participate this year.  I have to admit, it broke my heart a little.

Hands Across the Water brings people from across the city together.  We all gather at one end of the Broadway Bridge, and in silence, make our way onto the bridge – holding hands.  The goal is to make a chain from one side of the bridge to the other.  We hadn’t made it the last two years…  but I’m hopeful that the people who gathered today were able to make it across.

As some of you know, I’ve suffered from FMS for the last decade.  It’s typically diagnosed in women who are between 40 and 60, but I was diagnosed in my early twenties.  Fibromyalgia is a chronic pain syndrome that effects the muscles and soft tissue.  I’ve gotten used to the daily pain, and cope quite well.  You’d be surprised what can become “normal”.  😉  I don’t like to dwell on the negative, so don’t focus on what the pain has taken away from me, rather I choose to look at the opportunities I’ve had because of it.

Earlier this year I found myself in the emergency room because of debilitating back pain.  We don’t know the cause yet, only that it doesn’t seem to be going away.  I hate taking medication, and always try to wean myself off of prescriptions as soon as I’m able…  unfortunately it’s looking like I’ll need a higher dose before that happens as I’m finding I’m having breakthrough pain more and more often these days.

It hurts my heart a great deal when I end up missing events like Hands Across the Water.  My city, my community, is so important to me.  And awareness events, and political activism are how I demonstrate my commitment.  Poverty, equality, human rights…  these things need our attention, our focus.  And I feel badly that my pain has kept me from being as active this month as I’d have liked.

I am also sorry that I didn’t feel ready to share this before now.  Even as I type this blog post I’m wary about sharing it.  Chronic pain, and Invisible Disabilities, are not well understood…  and those of us who deal with them on a daily basis often feel a lot of guilt associated with each.  They take us from things that deserve our focus, and despite our best efforts, they take over completely from time to time.

So.  I hope you’ll understand.  And I hope you’ll forgive my absence tonight.  I was with you all in spirit.

temporary relief in a blue bottle

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