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Alive.

Quiet like the dawn crashing upon the rocky shore of darkness.

Full of noise, full of life.  A roar of silence.

Too loud to speak.

Self-aware.

In all things I am.

I exist.  Sentient.

Feeling, knowing, being.  Thunderous.  Mute.

Heaving towards stillness, the permanent precipice, the denouement.

Beauty in knowing acceptance.  Birthing terminus.

The rocky shore of darkness as the light creeps quietly away.

Waiting to be reborn.

Me, spewing my bad poetry on an unsuspecting readership.  😉  It had to be done.  Sorry all.  Just one of those days/nights.

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Gentle Be!

I have to be honest…  i haven’t yet decided what to write about tonight.  I’m feeling a general disdain about a great many things tonight, and any one of them would likely make a good blog post.  Nothing like righteous indignation to fuel a blog post.  But then I remind myself that I have made the decision to choose joy whenever possible.  And there is no joy to be found in those topics.

I can’t say that I am feeling joyful tonight.  I can see my way through to calm, or even peaceful…  but not joyful.  I’m too tired and road-weary for that.  So, I think, tonight I will just leave you with this:

A long and tiring day…

It felt like a long and tiring day…  only…  it really wasn’t a SUPER busy day.  Sure, it was a full day.  I got a fair bit of work done (spent some time on Green Party of Saskatchewan businesses, spent some time on Camp fYrefly wrap-up, spent some time on edits and enhancements for TD Photography, and spent some time just being a mom)…  but it wasn’t like I was going out of my mind running around like a chicken with it’s head cut off.  A lot of work, but time to breathe too.  Tonight though?  Tonight I’m tired.  Not just in body, but in mind.  I’m exhausted, but relatively peaceful too.  And that’s something I haven’t felt for a little while now.

Feeling Peaceful

I’m laying in bed next to my daughter, listening to the quiet of the house.  Besides the breathing (the girlie and the dogs), and the muffled click of my fingers on the keys, the house is silent.  That simply doesn’t happen very often.

The animals are all still.  My husband is out (fetching a movie and slurpees).  And I get the simple joy of solitude – without actually being alone.

Moments like these were once taken for granted.  Back in my twenties, when it was just DH, the dogs (and other sundry animals) and I.  These days though…  when the full of energy, high need, super creative, way too smart for her own good, kid is tearing around?  Yep.  These silent, calm, relaxed, pensive moments are few and far between.

In a house this small, with this many lives within it’s walls, you truly hear someone at almost every hour of every day.  Whether it’s the cat padding around the stairwell, or Thora (the Lurcher) running in her sleep, Zenora (our congo african grey) telling tales, or the turtle splashing into her pond…  even when the house is mostly still, there is still life to be heard.

And just like that my moment of calm surrender is broken.  Liz (the Miniature American Eskimo) started yipping.  I’m wondering if she may be coming into heat…  she’s being extra annoying.  😉

Happy Easter everyone!  Hope you too are able to find a quiet calm moment to just be present, somewhere, today.

Sometimes joy is simple…

When I watch my wee girl sleeping, laying in bed next to me, joy is simple.  Nothing could fill my heart more than watching her here, quietly breathing.  Each rise and fall of her tiny chest elevates my happiness a little further.  This type of joy is easy.  This love comes easily.  Some joy, some love, you really have to work at…  but for now, I’m blissfully happy just laying here in the dark with my wee one beside me.

Families who don’t co-sleep may find certain things easier (like couple time for mom and dad).  LOL  But I wouldn’t trade this closeness with my daughter for any of it.  She sleeps soundly knowing I’m right here, and I sleep better knowing she is safe and sleeping deeply.  This, for me, is a natural.

The wee girlie has her own bed.  It’s a loft we built in Autumn.  It’s right above our bed (I even posted a couple times about it here).  And she slept in it for quite a while…  and I missed her while she was up there.  LOL  But as she grows and changes, sometimes  she needs us closer than at others.  And right now, she needs these night times.  It won’t be long until she rolls her eyes when I ask for a hug and kiss, so as long as she wants me close, I’m happy to remain so.

Co-sleeping is worth any tiny sacrifices we may have to make…  but honestly?  Those sacrifices are nothing compared to the rewards it brings.  In a world full of people with sleeping disorders, I know my daughter sleeps soundly.  She  is safe, secure, and attached.  Just as she should be.

Soundly Sleeping Sweetie

Nothing to say today…

"a picture is worth a thousand words"

Me and My Girl

Lily-Ann fell asleep in my arms today…  and you’d be hard pressed to find a moment I find more lovely than a moment when I can hold her close and know that she is safe.  My love for her is honestly overwhelming at times.  And I’ve made sure she knows just how deeply she is treasured, loved, and appreciated.  I tell her every day, and more than that, I show her every day.  I tell her stories about when I was pregnant, and the things I felt then.  I tell her stories about how she came to be, and how much even the nurses loved her…  that they all thought she was so special that they had to tell the other nurses, and soon enough ALL the nurses had been by the room to see this perfect special little person that I was lucky enough to have and love.  I really am blessed.  She’s amazing.  So now I’m just rambling.  LOL  That’s what happens when I get sentimental about my girl.  😉  So….  before I bore you to tears, here’s the photo for today.  Just me and my girl.

Mommy and Baby...

Me and my girl

So, this picture won’t win any awards…  in ANY categories.  LOL  But it makes me happy.  Just snapped it with my blackberry held out in my right hand as far away from us as I could reach.  Then worked with it afterwards in iPhoto.

What a lucky, lucky mommy  am I.  🙂

Sleep Tight…

Here’s the wee girlie, fast asleep.

Lily-Ann is loving the new toddler bed.  It’s still pushed up against ours, side-car.  But not having the crib rails makes her feel really good, which makes me feel really good too.

Treated the photo with an antique filter in iPhoto.

sleeping girl

Sleep Tight

Okay…  so I actually took this photo last night.  BUT, I took it AFTER midnight – which means it counts as today.  Right?  LOL

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