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Seek no more

On Thursday, February 28th I felt a sudden need to light a candle and to send love out into the universe.  I didn’t know why I needed to, I just knew that I had to.  So at 4:30 I let my daughter choose a candle and we lit it together.  Shortly after that things became all to clear.

Bran Everseeking, who was known to some as Thomas Dunbar, was a treasured friend.  At 4:15 his wife, Naomi, had posted to FB that he was having a heart attack.  It wasn’t until later that evening I would learn of it…  after seeing another post she made at 6:04.  Bran had left this world for the next.  Gratefully I didn’t learn the news until after Lily-Ann had gone to sleep as with it came a slurry of tears.  It honestly felt like some cruel joke.

The last couple of days have been absolutely draining, and I really have no words – which is why this post is more dry facts than anything else.  I’m simply trying to relay information without breaking down again.  For now all I can share are images, something I believe Bran (as a fellow photographer) would appreciate.

The candle I lit at about 4:30 on Thursday, burned until 4:54 Saturday morning.  I know this, because the change in light woke me from a troubled sleep and I saw the last ember go out.

Goodnight my dear, dear friend.  Know that love follows you from this life into the next.  Seek no more.

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Natalia: Oct 1-15, 2012

Losing Natalia today was harder on me than I’d expected.  The last few days she balanced that tightrope between life and death so closely, we knew there was a good chance she’d pass…  but with her finally starting to gain weight, I had hoped that perhaps we were turning a corner.

Damon and I came home for a feeding at about 2:00, by 2:30 we made the choice not to tube her.  She was almost gone, and we didn’t want to put her through it.  We took turns holding her against our chests – keeping her warm and close.  At 3:21, right before we had to leave to pick up kid kid from school, she passed.  Damon passed her to me, and I held her until he had gone to the school and brought Lily-Ann home so we could all say goodbye.

We honestly thought that perhaps we’d turned that all important corner with her…  that the tube feedings every two hours, the warm water enemas, the warm baths, vitamin drops, colic cures, all the intensive care and extra attention had given her what she needed…  but it clear she was ready to go.  She fought long and hard, but was just too tired to keep on trying.  I keep reminding myself that 30% of all puppies don’t make it – but it’s little comfort.  I am grateful we have four healthy strong boys to love and care for.  But it doesn’t temper the sting of losing Natalia.

Natalia on October 8th @ 2.3 ounces. Being bottlefed by Damon - who worked so hard for her.

Natalia on October 8th @ 2.3 ounces.
Being bottlefed by Damon – who worked so hard for her.

Natalia on October 15th @ 2.7 ounces. Rest in peace sweet little girl, we will see you again.

Natalia on October 15th @ 2.7 ounces.
Rest in peace sweet little girl, we will see you again.

 

 

Mrs. Morin – always a beacon of love and strength.

Life has a tendency to throw a curve ball every so often, just to keep you on your toes.  Some you catch, and return…  others knock you on your ass.  This one?  This one hit me harder than I’d have expected.

A friend just shared the news that a woman I loved and respected has passed from this life.  I knew she was sick, but I hadn’t seen her in years.  I only ever knew her as the bright, intelligent, caring Mom to the Morin clan.

I have so many wonderful memories of Maryjo.  She peppered my teen years with kindness and laughter, an ever present nurturing figure that I (and so many others) could count on.  Mom to four boys, I remember her rescuing me from her eldest who had stuffed me in his hockey bag one afternoon.  I remember the look she gave him as she made sure the others helped me out of that stink sack.

I would have been fifteen or sixteen at the time, and he was a few years older than me – and delighted in the fact that I was so pocket sized.  At the time there were no girls in the family other than Maryjo, so the boys tended to treat me more like a brother – which is something she always felt the need to apologize for (though it didn’t bother me).  I’d like to think those experiences helped prepare them for the sister who would come later, and whom they had learned to be much gentler to thanks to Maryjo’s no nonsense brand of loving discipline.

Maryjo always grinned and gave me a knowing look when the guys would call me idget (because I was “too small to be a midget”).  They always treated me like one of their own…  a middle sister.  And I always felt so at home with them all and Mrs. Morin was a big part of that.

As tears dry on my cheeks after the news of her passing, I take comfort in knowing she found her way home.  I’d like to think that she is again that woman – healthy, vibrant, full of spark – that I remember from all those years ago.  Pain free, and rejoicing in all the blessings she has known.

My heart goes out to the Morin family.  I can only imagine the feelings they must be coping with as they experience her loss.  Maryjo was the hub of their home.  You knew wherever she was you would find compassion, joy, laughter and tenderness.  I will always hold her in my heart – a heart full of gratitude for all she gave me.  She will be remembered with fondness, love, and appreciation.

Momma Morin and all her boyz

Momma Morin and her boyz (hope they don’t mind that I nabbed this off fb). The clan as I remember them from my early teen years – a little older, a little hairier, but the same old faces I loved so much.

 

A Farewell to Karen Pipke

Honestly, I wasn’t going to post about this…  Clearly I wasn’t going to post about this as I’ve already made my post for this evening…  But my word for the year is love…  and I’m determined to be true to myself and allow myself to feel things deeply and fully…  so to choose to NOT share goes against that.  So here it is:

I learned today that a fellow Havanese Fancier, Karen Pipke, has passed away.  Karen and I go back quite a ways together.  I remember helping her out when she was first getting started in the breed.  She’d had Shelties for a number of years, but was just getting started in Havanese.  Sylvia and I made several trips out to her place (one province over) to talk dogs, and help her evaluate puppies.  Karen and I were actually talking about possibly co-owning a pup this year…  As my only Neezer is now into her double digits, and I miss showing them.  They are SOOO easy in the ring compared to Chihuahuas.  The idea that she’s gone feels like someone has played some cruel joke.  I’m just waiting for someone to yell “Ha ha!  I gotcha!”  It’s just too surreal.

I’ve always enjoyed Karen’s company at the many dog shows we attended.  Whether we went together or just happened to run into one another, we always had a good time.  I will miss her company.

My love and condolences to Karen’s family and closest friends.  She will be well remembered, now and always.  I know she has reunited with many companions at the Rainbow Bridge, and I will see her again when I make that journey.

Steve Jobs

Steve Jobs has passed away.  I have to admit, the idea that this icon of a man has left this world feels not quite real.  Some folks, and what they’ve done, are bigger than life…  and whether you like ‘um or lump ‘um, when they are gone it sort of feels like an odd practical joke.  I would have been curious to see what Andy Warhol would have done with a man like Jobs.

I wish his family peace.

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